Before I Sleep
by fixati0ns
Summary: Spitfire oneshot. Based off a Mazzy Star song and ridiculously sappy. "Artemis knew that there was just no way she could possibly live in a world where he didn't come home every night and fall asleep right beside her...".


She hadn't seen him in nineteen hours.

And yes, she had been counting.

Artemis had been crying since she had received the call from Megan. She had been asleep already, so her hair was down, cascading like a wave of liquid gold over her shoulders and grazing her waist. It was cold in their apartment and she was only dressed in a tank top and panties, but she was so afraid that if she left the window seat for one minute, she'd miss him.

Artemis clutched the old shirt in her hands a bit tighter to her, bringing it up to her face and inhaling, closing her eyes as a few more tears trickled down her cheeks. It was all raggedy now, the last time he'd worn it was when they were sixteen when they were at the beach with the team one cloudy afternoon and she admitted that she was a bit chilly in her bikini top and short shorts. Of course, he grinned that positively _dorky_ grin and wasted no time shedding his shirt and fitting it over her blonde head before she could even protest. She'd always tell him otherwise when they were younger, that she had simply forgotten to give it back, but when she'd go home after long nights of missions and training, she'd tug on that stupid shirt and go to sleep reveling in the sweet smell the shirt held.

She squeezed her closed eyes tighter at the guilt that washed over her upon taking in his scent. Why did she have to say the things she said to him earlier? Why did she not tell him to stay anyway and finish what they'd started when his communicator buzzed, and he told her that there was an emergency? Why did she just stare out the window, not even flinching when he kissed her forehead once before speeding out the door?

_You're such a fucking idiot._ She thought. _The least you could've done was tell Wally that you love him before he left. You could've told him the truth, that you really do want to get married. But no. You've got too much pride. You're too god damned stubborn. So you just let him go again. Fuckin' bitch…_

"God dammit." She whispered, resting her forehead on the cold glass of the window. This was one thing she hated about them being together. The constant worry that one night, one of them wouldn't come home. Artemis had nights like this before, they'd been together for a little over five years, but she'd certainly never gotten a _call_ from someone, about the man she loved being missing because he disappeared during a confrontation with some kind of super terrorists. She'd never been told to be prepared for Wally not to come home.

At first she tried to talk herself down after the mind-rattling call, but with each moment of doubt that passed, Artemis' mind grew frantic, thinking of all the scenarios that could've transpired. Around the fifth hour, and a quick text to Kaldur about the status of the search for him, she began to panic a bit. Attempting to repeat a 'he'll be home soon, we always come back to each other' mantra in her head, she tried to distract herself with everything and anything. But then the fight played over in her head, and it was all downhill from there. She hated being so weak like this, it was irrational and unnecessary, but she couldn't do anything about it. She loved that idiot.

The knots in her stomach just got tighter with each second that passed, and she couldn't help but remember the last time she'd felt like this.

* * *

_Five years ago._

_Artemis lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling of her room in the Cave. A little less than an hour ago, the team had arrived at Mount Justice, bloody and bruised and exhausted, physically and emotionally. There had been an inordinate amount of close calls tonight, and it really made Artemis wonder how worth it it was to grow closer to these people when they could disappear at any moment. _

_Of course, she was referring to earlier, when Joker nearly ended Wally's existence. Over the course of the full year the team had been together, Wally and Artemis had reached some sort of unspeakable middle ground, and she wouldn't admit it, but he was probably one of her best friends. When he wasn't being obnoxious and self gratifying, he was actually a pretty decent guy that she found herself being able to relate to often. _

_So naturally, Artemis was pretty shaken when she watched Joker aim a fucking gun at the bright yellow son of a bitch, who was too busy fussing with a battered M'gann to notice the villain and make a speedy getaway. So Artemis acted quickly and grabbed the first arrow she could feel, which happened to be an explosive arrow, and with no time to properly scope her target, shot it hastily. The arrow blasted at Joker's feet, startling him and causing him to involuntarily pull the trigger where his finger already lay. Wally ended up getting shot in the shoulder, which wasn't too bad, not as bad as Robin's concussion and multitude of broken bones, at least. It was just nerve wracking to think that Wally could've potentially died tonight, which caused the young archer more stress than she allowed herself to let on. _

_She knew Bats would debrief them and give them the what for on their less than adequate performance in the morning, so she was getting annoyed with the lack of sleep that she was receiving. If she could just fall the hell asleep, she could stop having to deal with the things that addled her mind unrelentingly at the moment. Things that had to do with a certain boy sleeping four doors down from her. _

_She winced at the stinging of the gash that ran down her thigh when she shifted slightly in bed. One of the many she'd received tonight. Damn, that was going to be hard to cover up with that suspiciously short Gotham Academy skirt she was forced to wear on a daily basis. Mom wasn't going to like that one bit..._

_"Hey."_

_The blonde's head shot straight up at the whisper from the doorway. There stood Wally, peeking his unruly ginger head through the door._

_"Hey…" She whispered back, sitting up._

_"Can I, y'know, come in?" He looked timid, as if he were just as shaken as she was._

_"Yeah." She whispered again, watching him carefully as he awkwardly sat down at the foot of her bed. He was only in his pajama pants, so Artemis noticed the bandage on his bare shoulder. "How's the injury?"_

_Wally glanced down at it and carefully peeled the tape and gauze away so she could see. "Getting better." He poked at the purplish wound that was slowly fading. "Accelerated healing really helps."_

_She raised her hand tentatively to gently brush the pads of her fingers across his bruising skin. He stared at her emotionless face as she bit her lip thoughtfully._

_"You and Bats are so creepily similar." He stated suddenly. "No powers, perfect poker face, mysterious, always on your period. Maybe you should become a Robin." _

_She lifted her eyes to his playful ones and gave him a small smirk._

_"I wouldn't want to make Dick jealous, he's already fiercely protective over his precious Batman. But I would probably look damn good in the outfit, what with those ass defining tights and all."_

_Wally laughed. "Did you just admit that you've been checking out a fourteen year old boy?"_

_She glared at him. "We're only like, two years older than him. You say that like I'm some kind of pedophile." Wally laughed again, which made Artemis smile wider. "But small and trolly isn't my type."_

_"Ah…" Wally grinned as he fell back to lie on the bed, arm propped up to support his head while he looked at her. "So what is your type?"_

_She followed his motions so she was just a couple inches away from his freckled face. "Mmm…" She pretended to think. "Breathing."_

_"Well that's one thing we have in common." He replied, green eyes ablaze with laughter._

_She grinned at their ridiculous little back and forth. Of course it was like Wally to take a bad night and turn it into a joke. She kind of liked it._

_"Why are you in my room at," She turned around to glance at the clock on the side of her bed. "Three fucking thirty in the morning?"_

_"Just wanted to see how you were doing, you didn't look too good when we got back." He said, wincing as he carefully laid himself down next to her aching frame._

_"Well I'm just fine, Wallman." She said with the slightest hint of annoyance in her voice. "I've got thick skin, I can't handle a few scrapes."_

_"No, I know that, I just meant… Never mind…"_

_"What?" Her eyes narrowed slightly as a reflexive defensiveness grew in her._

_He looked sheepish. "'Snothing, forget it."_

_"No, I wanna hear it, West." She had that edge in her voice that he knew would earn him a blow to the skull if he didn't say something soon. He bit his lip and fiddled with his bandage, avoiding her intense eyes._

_"Well, it's just that after we got back, you hovered outside the Medbay for a good while until Megan had to practically force you to go wash up. And you just looked so… Un-Artemis."_

_She quirked a brow. "Elaborate."_

_He rolled his eyes. "Y'know, you're usually all "I'm a badass robot fighting machine and I don't feel feelings because feelings are pointless", and when we got back you just looked… I don't know. Made me think something was up."_

_Artemis suddenly felt fidgety, she didn't like that Wally was able to pick up on her changes in disposition like that. She didn't like that he was so… In tune with her. She didn't like that she'd been caught _worrying_ about him. But at the same time, she was almost happy that he'd noticed. _

_So she internally threw her hands up in defeat and thought what the hell. There's no point in lying to him._

_"Would it be pathetic of me to admit that I actually care whether you made it back in one piece or not?"_

_She expected him to gloat, or make a distasteful joke, or make fun of her even. But Wally West was always full of surprises. The warmest of smiles crept onto his face. "No. It actually wouldn't."_

_They stared at each other, breathing softly and listening to the quiet that inhabited the night time of the Cave. Eventually the look in Wally's eyes morphed into something unrecognizable to Artemis, a certain softness that enveloped his spectacularly green iris'. But as soon as it appeared, it faded, and Wally seemed to mentally right himself. His eyes that had captured her full and undivided attention now flitted about anywhere but her face, even though they were so close that he wouldn't be able to avoid looking at her. He forcibly cleared his throat as quietly as he could manage._

_"It's really late…" He whispered, awkwardly moving to sit up and leave._

_"Wait." She caught his hand, which caused him to freeze abruptly then turn back to her. He waited for her to continue, but she just bit her lip and watched his eyes cautiously._

_Man, his skin was warm._

_"Will you… Stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?" She whispered, mentally scolding herself for how pathetic it came out._

_She didn't know what made her say it. She wasn't sure if it was his near death experience, or just how cold it seemed to be in her room, or even just the way that he was looking at her right at that moment, but she knew that she wouldn't get a wink of sleep tonight without knowing that he was beside her, in all his obnoxious, perfectly redheaded and wounded glory. Because as much as she wanted to deny it, she couldn't. Wally had tethered her to him. He made her care. And for some reason, she wouldn't be able to operate as her normal self if he were hurt. She hated it, but it was the truth, and there is no denying the truth._

_They stared at each other for the longest time. Eventually their hands crept closer, until their fingers finally intertwining, like perfect little vines._

_"I'll stay." He finally whispered into the dark, his eyes stuck on hers and his breath washing over her. She smiled faintly and gripped his hand a bit tighter before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep._

* * *

Something warm crept down her cheek, snapping her out of her memory. She wondered when exactly she would stop crying.

Aggressively rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand, Artemis berated herself for acting like this. She was a tough girl. She had thick skin. She needed to act like it.

But it was hard to do such a thing when the thought of a missing and possibly severely injured speedster came to her mind.

It sucked that he had an affect on her like this. It really really did.

Artemis was mentally calculating how long it'd take to suit up and join the search for her boyfriend, when the door knob began to jiggle across the room. Her blonde head whipped in the direction of the door, and she froze.

And then a dirty, disheveled, head of bright crimson stumbled through the door.

He looked exhausted. He looked half dead. His costume was ripped and his cowl was torn off, and he had multiple lacerations. He looked like he'd ran straight through hell and back.

But none of these things stopped Artemis from urgently rushing and launching herself into him, wildly gripping his face in her hands as she kissed him with a reckless abandon. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he nearly fell from the impact of her jumping on him, but he quickly got over it and crushed her to his sweaty frame. He groaned into her mouth and wasted no time frantically kissing her back, his tongue slipping into her mouth and tasting her sweetness that he would consider ten times more addictive than any drug in the world.

As their labored breathing calmed, and their feverish hands slowed over each other, they slowly pulled away. Artemis placed one more kiss on his lips, fingers combing through his hair, before she finally opened her eyes. Wally stared at her with those green portals of unbridled love, a watery smile stretching on his dirty and bruised face. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her head in his neck, fighting the tears that threatened to spill from her glossy eyes.

"_Wally_." She croaked, not even able to convey her true feelings into understandable sentences at the moment.

"Shh…" He simply stroked her hair and kissed her bare shoulder, then kicked the front door shut and walked them to their room, never loosening his desperate hold on her despite his broken ribs and aching muscles.

After calling the team and letting them know he was safe, when they stood underneath the warmth of the water that teemed down on the two of them in the shower, they held each other like they were physically unable to part. Artemis clung to Wally as if he'd just vanish into thin air at any given moment, staring down at the blood and grime that washed away on the porceline surface of the shower floor and thankful that he'd been brought back to her in one piece.

And although Wally had to strain his ears to hear it, his heart nearly stopped and kicked into hyperspeed at the same time when Artemis whispered an unwavering "Let's get married" into his freckled chest. He couldn't wait even a second before swooping in and kissing the words right out of her mouth. And she smiled a blindingly bright smile against his lips as he did.

Because Artemis knew that there was just no way she could possibly live in a world where he didn't come home every night and fall asleep right beside her, safe and sound. And she'd be damned if she let him slip away that easily ever again.


End file.
